125 Winning Football Jokes To Tackle Your Funny Bone

by NEW YORK DIGITAL NEWS


Knock knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah any good football jokes? We do! In fact, we found the funniest collection of football jokes around. Share them with your students this gridiron season and enjoy a few good laughs together.

Our Favorite Football Jokes

1. What did the receiver say to the football?

What did the receiver say to the football?

Catch you later.

2. Why can’t football players wear glasses on the field?

Why can’t football players wear glasses on the field?

Because it’s a contact sport.

Because it’s a contact sport.

3. Why was Cinderella such a lousy football player?

Why was Cinderella such a lousy football player?

Because her coach was a pumpkin.

Because her coach was a pumpkin.

4. What is a football player’s favorite ice cream?

What is a football player’s favorite ice cream?

Any given sundae.

Any given sundae. 

5. What happens to football players who go blind?

What happens to football players who go blind?

They become referees.

They become referees.

6. Why did the chocolate chip cookie drop all its chips?

Why did the chocolate chip cookie drop all its chips?

Because that’s the way the cookie fumbles.

Because that’s the way the cookie fumbles. 

7. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?

Which football player wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head.- football jokes

The one with the biggest head.

8. How did the octopuses win the football game?

How did the octopuses win the football game?

Ten tackles.

Ten tackles.

9. Where do football players dance?

Where do football players dance?

At a foot ball.

At a foot ball.

10. How do chickens encourage their football teams?

How do chickens encourage their football teams? They egg them on.- football jokes

They egg them on.

11. Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?

Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?

New Jersey.

New Jersey.

12. How do football players deal with their problems?

How do football players deal with their problems?

They tackle them head-on.

They tackle them head-on.

13. When should football players wear armor?

When should football players wear armor? When they play knight games.- football jokes

When they play knight games.

14. What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?

What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?

A carpunter.

A carpunter.

15. Why do coaches like punters?

Why do coaches like punters?

Because punters always put their best foot forward.

Because punters always put their best foot forward.

16. Where do hungry football players play?

Where do hungry football players play?

In the Supper Bowl.

In the Supper Bowl.

17. What did the football player say to the flight attendant?

What did the football player say to the flight attendant? “Put me in coach!”- football jokes

“Put me in coach!”

18. What do you call a lineman’s kid?

What do you call a lineman’s kid?

A chip off the old blocker.

A chip off the old blocker.

19. What did the football say to the punter?

What did the football say to the punter?

I get a kick out of you.

I get a kick out of you.

20. What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman-ship.

A good sportsman-ship.

21. Which insect doesn’t play football well?

Which insect doesn’t play football well? The fumble bee.- football jokes

The fumble bee.

22. What did the guy say when his wife left him because he was obsessed with football?

What did the guy say when his wife left him because he was obsessed with football?

“Oh well, we had five good seasons together.”

“Oh well, we had five good seasons together.”

23. Which football game do cats like to watch?

Which football game do cats like to watch?

The Goldfish Bowl.

The Goldfish Bowl.

24. Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?

Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart? She was a fair catch.- football jokes

She was a fair catch.

25. What do centers wear on their feet? 

What do centers wear on their feet? 

Hiking shoes.

Hiking shoes.

26. What did the football player say when someone offered him a shot at the bar?

What did the football player say when someone offered him a shot at the bar?

I’ll pass.

I’ll pass.

27. What do football players wear on Halloween?

What do football players wear on Halloween?

Face masks.

Face masks.

28. Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?

Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats? The yards were stacked in his favor.- football jokes

The yards were stacked in his favor.

29. How do football players stay cool?

How do football players stay cool?

By standing close to the fans.

By standing close to the fans.

30. Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?

Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?

Someone was yanking his chain.

Someone was yanking his chain.

31. Which two football teams played in the pirate Super Bowl?

Which two football teams played in the pirate Super Bowl? The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.- football jokes

The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.

32. Why did the football player ask his coach to flood the field?

Why did the football player ask his coach to flood the field?

So he could go in as a sub.

So he could go in as a sub.

33. What kind of tea do football players drink?

What kind of tea do football players drink?

Penaltea.

Penaltea.

34. What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?

What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?

He got called for ineligible retriever downfield.

He got called for ineligible retriever downfield.

35. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?

Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team? They needed a little team spirit.- football jokes

They needed a little team spirit.

36. What do you call 20 Minnesota Vikings fans in the basement?

What do you call 20 Minnesota Vikings fans in the basement?

A whine cellar.

A whine cellar.

37. Why didn’t the dog want to play football?

Why didn’t the dog want to play football? He was a boxer.- football jokes

He was a boxer.

38. Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?

Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?

Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave.

Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave.

39. Which state should the Tampa Bay Buccaneers move to?

Which state should the Tampa Bay Buccaneers move to?

Arrrrrrrrrkansas.

Arrrrrrrrrkansas.

40. Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

Who is the leader of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

Captain Hook.

Captain Hook.

41. Did you hear college football is introducing the Rosary Bowl? 

Did you hear college football is introducing the Rosary Bowl?  Every play is a Hail Mary.- football jokes

Every play is a Hail Mary.

42. Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle?

Why shouldn’t you play football in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.

There are too many cheetahs.

43. Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?

Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?

He was called for unnecessary gruffness.

He was called for unnecessary gruffness.

44. Why did the football quit the team?

Why did the football quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.- football jokes

It was tired of being kicked around.

45. What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement?

What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement?

Gridirony.

Gridirony.

46. Why did the football player bring string to the game?

Why did the football player bring string to the game?

So he could tie the score.

So he could tie the score.

47. What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?

What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year? All-porpoise yardage.- football jokes

All-porpoise yardage.

48. Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?

Why couldn’t the all-star football player listen to music?

Because he broke all the records.

Because he broke all the records.

49. Why should you never alter the outcome of a football game?

Why should you never alter the outcome of a football game?

You’ll be charged with interference.

You’ll be charged with interference.

50. Why couldn’t the losing team get into their own parking lot?

Why couldn’t the losing team get into their own parking lot? Someone painted an end zone on it.- football jokes

Someone painted an end zone on it.

51. When is a football player like a fisherman? 

When is a football player like a fisherman? 

When he gets the catch of the day.

When he gets the catch of the day. 

52. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?

What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?

A football coach.

A football coach.

53. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?

What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.- football jokes

One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.

54. Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?

Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?

The guy retained possession.

The guy retained possession.

55. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

Give me my quarter back!

Give me my quarter back!

56. The last time I played tackle football without pads, I broke three ribs and a collarbone.

The last time I played tackle football without pads, I broke three ribs and a collarbone. Fortunately, none of them were mine.- football jokes

Fortunately, none of them were mine.

57. What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?

What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?

You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

58. Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?

Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?

He was trying to make ends meet.

He was trying to make ends meet.

59. Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?

Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes half back.- football jokes

Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes half back.

60. Why didn’t the skeleton play football?

Why didn’t the skeleton play football?

He didn’t have the guts.

He didn’t have the guts.

61. When is a football player like a judge?

When is a football player like a judge?

When he sits on the bench.

When he sits on the bench.

62. Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug football teams?

Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug football teams? It takes too long to put their cleats on.- football jokes

It takes too long to put their cleats on.

63. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

The Dallas Cowboys.

The Dallas Cowboys.

64. How is a football referee like an angry chicken?

How is a football referee like an angry chicken? They both have fowl mouths.- football jokes

They both have fowl mouths.

65. I was wondering why the football was getting bigger.

I was wondering why the football was getting bigger. 

Then it hit me.

Then it hit me.

66. What do you get when you cross a quarterback with a carpet?

What do you get when you cross a quarterback with a carpet? A throw rug.- football jokes

A throw rug.

67. What do a bad football team and opossums have in common?

What do a bad football team and opossums have in common?

Both can play dead and get killed on the road.

Both can play dead and get killed on the road.

68. What is harder to catch the faster you run?

What is harder to catch the faster you run?

Your breath.

Your breath.

69. What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice?

What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice? Let’s wrap this up.- football jokes

Let’s wrap this up.

70. Why do ballet dancers make such good NFL kickers?

Why do ballet dancers make such good NFL kickers?

They know how to split the uprights.

They know how to split the uprights.

71. Why couldn’t the skeleton get a date for the football game?

Why couldn’t the skeleton get a date for the football game? Because he had no body to go with.- football jokes

Because he had no body to go with.

72. Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a football field?

Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a football field?

Under the ghoul posts.

Under the ghoul posts.

73. How do football players greet each other?

How do football players greet each other?

With a high five yard line.

With a high five yard line.

74. What is it called when a dinosaur gets a touchdown?

What is it called when a dinosaur gets a touchdown?

A dino-score.

A dino-score.

75. What do football players and actors have in common? 

What do football players and actors have in common?  They both know how to put on a show.- football jokes

They both know how to put on a show.

76. What did the bumblebee running back say after getting a touchdown?

76. What did the bumblebee running back say after getting a touchdown?

Hive scored.

Hive scored.

77. Why was the football player so good at playing cards? 

Why was the football player so good at playing cards?  Because he was dealing with a full deck.- football jokes

Because he was dealing with a full deck.

78. What are successful kickers always trying to do?

What are successful kickers always trying to do?

Reach goals.

Reach goals.

79. Why can’t the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf?

Why can’t the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf?

They always hook the ball.

They always hook the ball.

80. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tess me.
Tess me who?
Tess me the football!

Knock knock. Who’s there? Tess me. Tess me who? Tess me the football!- football jokes

81. Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school?

Why couldn’t the defensive football player pass his test in school?

He was a tackling dummy.

He was a tackling dummy.

82. Why didn’t the lousy football team have a website?

Why didn’t the lousy football team have a website?

They couldn’t string three W’s together.

They couldn’t string three W’s together.

83. Why can’t you play football with pigs?

Why can’t you play football with pigs? They hog the ball.- football jokes

They hog the ball.

84. How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team?

How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team?

They’ve both been beaten.

They’ve both been beaten.

85. Which football team has the coolest helmets?

Which football team has the coolest helmets?

The one with the most fans.

The one with the most fans.

86. What do you get when you cross a running back and the Invisible Man?

What do you get when you cross a running back and the Invisible Man? Scoring like no one has ever seen.- football jokes

Scoring like no one has ever seen.

87. What kind of football team cries when it loses?

What kind of football team cries when it loses?

A bawl club.

A bawl club.

88. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Uriah.
Uriah who?
Keep Uriah on the ball.

89. Why is it always warmer after a football game?

Why is it always warmer after a football game? All the fans have left.- football jokes

All the fans have left.

90. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?

How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?

If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver.

If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver.

91. How do you get out of a locked car if you have nothing but a football?

How do you get out of a locked car if you have nothing but a football?

Unlock the door and pull the handle.

Unlock the door and pull the handle.

92. Why don’t grasshoppers watch football?

Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket.- football jokes

They prefer cricket.

93. Where do Jedi play football?

Where do Jedi play football?

On the force field.

On the force field.

94. Why do football players struggle to eat sandwiches?

Why do football players struggle to eat sandwiches?

They think they can’t use their hands.

They think they can’t use their hands.

95. Are lightning bolts good at football?

Are lightning bolts good at football?

No, they’re shocking.

No, they’re shocking.

96. What did NASA use to build a football field on the moon?

What did NASA use to build a football field on the moon? Astroturf.- football jokes

Astroturf.

97. What runs along the edge of the field during a football game but never moves?

What runs along the edge of the field during a football game but never moves?

The sideline.

The sideline.

98. Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?

Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?

The coach told him to take a hike.

The coach told him to take a hike.

99. What football play should you be suspicious of?

What football play should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.- football jokes

The quarterback sneak.

100. Why was Cinderella fired from the football team?

Why was Cinderella fired from the football team?

Because she always ran away from the ball.

Because she always ran away from the ball.

101. Where do football players go shopping in the off-season?

Where do football players go shopping in the off-season?

The tackle shop.

The tackle shop.

102. Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?

Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?

Out to pass-ture.

Out to pass-ture.

103. How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden?

How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden? Hide the ball—it drives them nuts.- football jokes

Hide the ball—it drives them nuts. 

104. Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?

Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?

There's no atmosphere.

There’s no atmosphere.

105. Which quarterback can jump higher than a crossbar?

Which quarterback can jump higher than a crossbar?

All of them. A crossbar can’t jump.

All of them. A crossbar can’t jump.

106. Why did the football player hold his cleats to his ear?

Why did the football player hold his cleats to his ear? Because he liked sole music.- football jokes

Because he liked sole music.

107. How did Scrooge end up with the football?

How did Scrooge end up with the football?

The Ghost of Christmas passed.

The Ghost of Christmas passed.

108. What’s the difference between a football player and time? 

What’s the difference between a football player and time? 

The football player runs up and down the field, but time just marches on.

The football player runs up and down the field, but time just marches on.

109. What type of arachnid is best at football?

What type of arachnid is best at football? A score-pion.- football jokes

A score-pion.

110. What happened to the joke the quarterback told his players?

What happened to the joke the quarterback told his players?

It went over their heads.

It went over their heads.

111. What kind of ends do you find at the library?

What kind of ends do you find at the library?

Bookends.

Bookends. 

112. Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football?

Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football? The wide receiver.- football jokes

The wide receiver. 

113. Why was the pig ejected from the football game?

Why was the pig ejected from the football game?

For playing dirty.

For playing dirty. 

114. Why did the chicken get ejected from the football game?

Why did the chicken get ejected from the football game?

For persistent fowl play.

For persistent fowl play.

115. Why did the scarecrow become a football player? 

Why did the scarecrow become a football player? 

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Because he was outstanding in his field.

116. Why do football players do well in school? 

Why do football players do well in school?  They know how to use their heads.- football jokes

They know how to use their heads.

117. Why is the football team so good at math?

Why is the football team so good at math?

Because they know how to find the X’s and O’s.

Because they know how to find the X’s and O’s.

118. What’s the difference between a football player and a computer?

What’s the difference between a football player and a computer?

You only have to punch information into a computer once.

You only have to punch information into a computer once.

119. Why do ghosts like football? 

Why do ghosts like football?  It’s a boo-last.- football jokes

It’s a boo-last.

120. Why did the football player bring a ladder to the game?

Why did the football player bring a ladder to the game?

He wanted to reach the high score.

He wanted to reach the high score.

121. What’s a football player’s favorite part of a joke?

What’s a football player’s favorite part of a joke?

The punt-line.

The punt-line.

122. What do football players eat before a big game? 

What do football players eat before a big game?  Fast food—they need to be quick on their feet.- football jokes

Fast food—they need to be quick on their feet.

123. Why did the football player go to the team party?

Why did the football player go to the team party?

To have a ball.

To have a ball.

124. Why did the football player study music? 

Why did the football player study music? 

To improve his score.

To improve his score.

125. What is the most popular sport on the Fourth of July?

What is the most popular sport on the Fourth of July?

Flag football.- football jokes

Flag football. 

Want more jokes like football jokes? We’ve got school jokes, math jokes, history jokes, science jokes, grammar jokes, and music jokes.

Come share your best football jokes in our We Are Teachers HELPLINE group on Facebook!



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