105 Soccer Jokes and Puns To Share With Players and Fans

by NEW YORK DIGITAL NEWS


You don’t have to be Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo to have an appreciation for the beautiful game of soccer. Soccer is the world’s most popular sport, and it’s played in over 200 countries. Whether you’ve just lost a tough match and need something to lighten the mood or just enjoy watching the sport, you’ll get a kick out of these soccer jokes, puns, and one-liners. Read, bookmark, and share them with your players or fellow fans!

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Soccer Jokes

Soccer Puns and One-Liners

Funny Soccer Jokes

1. What is a ghost’s favorite soccer position?

What is a ghost’s favorite soccer position?

Ghoul keeper.

2. What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?

What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?

COOOOAAAALLLL!!!!!

COOOOAAAALLLL!!!!!

3. Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?

Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?

Because she always runs away from the ball.

Because she always runs away from the ball.

4. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?

Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?

They watch cricket instead.

They watch cricket instead.

5. What kind of tea do soccer players drink?

What kind of tea do soccer players drink?

Penal-tea.

Penal-tea.

6. My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game.

My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game.

That's how I knew he was a keeper.

That’s how I knew he was a keeper.

7. Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?

Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?

The one with the biggest feet.

The one with the biggest feet.

8. What position do ghosts play in soccer?

What position do ghosts play in soccer?

Ghoulie.

Ghoulie.

9. What is it called when a dinosaur scores a goal?

What is it called when a dinosaur scores a goal?

A dino-score.

A dino-score.

10. Where do soccer players go to dance?

Where do soccer players go to dance?

The Futball.

The Futball.

11. What lights up a soccer stadium?

What lights up a soccer stadium?

A soccer match.

A soccer match.

12. Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball?

Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball?

The defense cleared it.

The defense cleared it.

13. What time is it when a soccer team chases a baseball team?

What time is it when a soccer team chases a baseball team?

Eleven after nine (9:11).

Eleven after nine (9:11).

14. Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle?

Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs!

There are too many cheetahs!

15. Why did the soccer ball quit the team?

Why did the soccer ball quit the team?

It was tired of being kicked around.

It was tired of being kicked around.

16. Why do soccer players come up with the best soccer jokes?

Why do soccer players come up with the best soccer jokes?

They know how to use their heads.

They know how to use their heads.

17. What kind of soccer team cries when it loses?

What kind of soccer team cries when it loses?

A bawl club.

A bawl club.

18. How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?

How do birds cheer for their soccer teams?

They egg them on.

They egg them on.

19. Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?

Why did the chicken get ejected from the soccer game?

Persistent fowl play.

Persistent fowl play.

20. Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer?

Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer?

He was a boxer.

He was a boxer.

21. How do soccer players stay cool during games?

How do soccer players stay cool during games?

They play near the fans.

They play near the fans.

22. Why did the soccer player bring string to her game?

Why did the soccer player bring string to her game?

So she could tie the score.

So she could tie the score.

23. What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball?

What time is it when an elephant steps on your soccer ball?

Time to get a new ball.

Time to get a new ball.

24. Knock Knock.

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?
Soccer.
Soccer who?
Socc-ser in the drawer.

Who’s there?
Soccer.
Soccer who?
Socc-ser in the drawer.

25. What do soccer referees send during the holidays?

What do soccer referees send during the holidays?

Yellow cards.

Yellow cards.

26. What are successful forwards always trying to do?

What are successful forwards always trying to do?

Reach goals.

Reach goals.

27. Which soccer player keeps the field neat?

Which soccer player keeps the field neat?

The sweeper.

The sweeper.

28. Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road?

Why did the defensive soccer player cross the road?

To get to the other slide.

To get to the other slide.

29. Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music?

Why couldn’t the all-star soccer player listen to music?

Because he broke all the records.

Because he broke all the records.

30. What do you call someone who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?

What do you call someone who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?

A soccer coach.

A soccer coach.

31. Where do forwards go to dance?

Where do forwards go to dance?

Soccer balls.

Soccer balls.

32. Why didn’t the lousy soccer team have a website?

Why didn’t the lousy soccer team have a website?

They couldn’t string three W’s together.

They couldn’t string three W’s together.

33. A soccer riddle: Two soccer teams play a game against each other. The home team wins, but not a single man from either team scored a goal. How can this be?

A soccer riddle: Two soccer teams play a game against each other. The home team wins, but not a single man from either team scored a goal. How can this be?

They were women’s soccer teams!

They were women’s soccer teams!

34. Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?

Why can’t you play soccer with pigs?

They hog the ball.

They hog the ball.

35. How does a tea bag play soccer?

How does a tea bag play soccer?

It steep-kicks the ball.

It steep-kicks the ball.

36. Why did the soccer team visit the Bermuda Triangle?

Why did the soccer team visit the Bermuda Triangle?

To find their missing soccer ball.

To find their missing soccer ball.

37. Why was the soccer player’s uniform always wrinkled?

Why was the soccer player’s uniform always wrinkled?

Because they couldn’t find an iron in the soccer stadium.

Because they couldn’t find an iron in the soccer stadium.

38. Why was the light bulb good at soccer?

Why was the light bulb good at soccer?

It’s always the brightest player on the field!

It’s always the brightest player on the field!

39. Why was the bad soccer announcer fired?

Why was the bad soccer announcer fired?

He couldn’t find the back of the net with his words.

He couldn’t find the back of the net with his words.

40. What do a bunch of soccer fans and a bunch of people chasing butterflies have in common?

What do a bunch of soccer fans and a bunch of people chasing butterflies have in common?

Both are a swarm.

Both are a swarm.

41. What kind of soccer team cries after every match?

What kind of soccer team cries after every match?

The “tear-mendous” players.

The “tear-mendous” players.

42. What part of a football pitch smells the worst?

What part of a football pitch smells the worst?

The end zone, after a soccer match!

The end zone, after a soccer match!

43. Why are scrambled eggs like a losing soccer team?

Why are scrambled eggs like a losing soccer team?

Because they’ve both been beaten.

Because they’ve both been beaten.

44. What runs around a soccer field but never moves?

What runs around a soccer field but never moves?

A fence.

A fence.

45. What do you call it when soccer players don’t wear their cleats?

What do you call it when soccer players don’t wear their cleats?

Socker.

Socker.

46. What do you call it when electric eels play soccer?

What do you call it when electric eels play soccer?

Shocker.

Shocker.

47. What do you call a very tiring soccer match?

What do you call a very tiring soccer match?

Slog-cer.

Slog-cer.

48. What do you call it when soccer fans cry like a baby if their team loses?

What do you call it when soccer fans cry like a baby if their team loses?

Soccer bawl.

Soccer bawl.

49. Why don’t soccer fans wear eyeglasses?

Why don't soccer fans wear eyeglasses?

It's a contact sport.

It’s a contact sport.

50. What is the name of the soccer team that plays in tall grass?

What is the name of the soccer team that plays in tall grass?

Weeds United.

Weeds United.

51. What is the name of the soccer team made up of jokers?

What is the name of the soccer team made up of jokers?

Manjester United.

Manjester United.

52. What is the name of the soccer team made up of confused and misguided players?

What is the name of the soccer team made up of confused and misguided players?

Liverfool.

Liverfool.

53. What soccer team is made up of light bulbs?

What soccer team is made up of light bulbs?

Wattford.

Wattford.

54. What is the name of the soccer team where witchcraft is a no-no?

What is the name of the soccer team made up of confused and misguided players?

Liverfool.

Notwitch City.

55. What is the name of the sunburned soccer team?

What is the name of the sunburned soccer team?

Burntley FC.

Burntley FC.

56. What is the name of the brightest soccer team?

What is the name of the brightest soccer team? 

Lightcester City.

Lightcester City.

57. What is the name of the crookedest soccer team?

What is the name of the crookedest soccer team?

Bentford.

Bentford.

58. What do you call a soccer team with only wingers?

What do you call a soccer team with only wingers?

Birdmingham City.

Birdmingham City.

59. Which soccer team is made up of only nuns?

Which soccer team is made up of only nuns?

Conventry City.

Conventry City.

60. Which soccer team is made up of midfielders only?

Which soccer team is made up of midfielders only? 

Middlelessborough.

Middlelessborough.

61. Which soccer team is made up of sheep?

Which soccer team is made up of sheep?

Baaaa-celona.

Baaaa-celona.

62. Which soccer team is just learning to read?

Which soccer team is just learning to read?

ABCDE FC.

ABCDE FC.

63. What do you call a referee in a doggie soccer match?

What do you call a referee in a doggie soccer match?

A rufferee.

A rufferee.

64. What do you call a Greek philosopher who played soccer?

What do you call a Greek philosopher who played soccer?

 Soccerates.

Soccerates.

65. Who is one of the richest soccer players in the world?

Who is one of the richest soccer players in the world?

Cristiano Rollindough.

Cristiano Rollindough. 

66. What do you call a pig who doesn’t pass the ball?

What do you call a pig who doesn’t pass the ball?

A ball hogger.

A ball hogger.

67. What is a goalkeeper’s favorite snack?

What is a goalkeeper’s favorite snack? Beans on the post.- soccer jokes

Beans on the post.

68. How do Italian soccer players ask their teammates to pass the ball?

How do Italian soccer players ask their teammates to pass the ball?

Pasta bowl.

Pasta bowl.

69. What does a soccer player say on Halloween?

What does a soccer player say on Halloween?

Hat trick or treat!

70. What do you call a ship that holds 20 soccer teams, and 3 teams leave it each season?

What do you call a ship that holds 20 soccer teams, and 3 teams leave it each season?

Premier-ship.

Premier-ship.

71. How does the top of the soccer goal post feel every time a ball hits it?

How does the top of the soccer goal post feel every time a ball hits it? Crossbar.- soccer jokes

Crossbar.

72. What do you call a Greek mythical creature playing soccer?

What do you call a Greek mythical creature playing soccer?

Centaur forward.

Centaur forward.

Soccer Puns and One-Liners

73. When the pitch gets flooded, soccer teams bring on the subs.

When the pitch gets flooded, soccer teams bring on the subs.- soccer jokes

74. My mom told me to never date a soccer player because there is only a 1-in-11 chance they are a keeper.

My mom told me to never date a soccer player because there is only a 1-in-11 chance they are a keeper.

75. Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches. It’s a game of feet.

Soccer is the only sport that’s not a game of inches. It’s a game of feet.

76. Soccer players are always the first to get the ball rolling in any task.

Soccer players are always the first to get the ball rolling in any task.

77. Soccer pitches get wet very quickly because players are always dribbling.

Soccer pitches get wet very quickly because players are always dribbling.- soccer jokes

78. Salmon are known for their dream of being pro-fish-sional soccer players.

Salmon are known for their dream of being pro-fish-sional soccer players.

79. I tell soccer jokes just for kicks.

I tell soccer jokes just for kicks.

80. Swimmers are awful at soccer because they keep diving.

Swimmers are awful at soccer because they keep diving.- soccer jokes

81. The best place to buy a new soccer shirt is New Jersey.

The best place to buy a new soccer shirt is New Jersey.

82. That soccer player is so bright, his mother calls him “sunshine” when he’s on the field.

That soccer player is so bright, his mother calls him “sunshine” when he’s on the field.

83. Soccer defenders: truly a goal-oriented bunch!

Soccer defenders: truly a goal-oriented bunch!

84. Cleat expectations: When you think you’ll win the game by just lacing up.

Cleat expectations: When you think you’ll win the game by just lacing up.- soccer jokes

85. Offsides? More like “Aw, sides … I thought I was clear!”

Offsides? More like “Aw, sides ... I thought I was clear!”

86. I knew a soccer ball who was quite inflated. It had such a big ego.

 I knew a soccer ball who was quite inflated. It had such a big ego.

87. The grass is always greener where you’re not playing soccer.

The grass is always greener where you’re not playing soccer.- soccer jokes

88. The man who invented soccer got a kick out of it.

The man who invented soccer got a kick out of it.

89. My son played soccer in the mud all day, so he was a little Messi.

My son played soccer in the mud all day, so he was a little Messi.

90. If you were a soccer ball, I’d never shoot, because I would always miss you.

If you were a soccer ball, I’d never shoot, because I would always miss you.- soccer jokes

91. They should end soccer games with an art competition. That way it would be win, lose, or draw.

They should end soccer games with an art competition. That way it would be win, lose, or draw.

92. Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.

Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.- soccer jokes

93. Soccer is a strange game—it’s a bunch of people running away from their goals.

Soccer is a strange game—it's a bunch of people running away from their goals.

94. I’m a soccer for you.

 I’m a soccer for you.

95. Left and right midfielders eat wings after the game.

Left and right midfielders eat wings after the game.- soccer jokes

96. Punt-il next time.

Punt-il next time.

97. I shot you should know the truth.

I shot you should know the truth.

98. It’s past your soc-cerfew.

It’s past your soc-cerfew.

99. Cracking good soccer jokes is my goal.

Cracking good soccer jokes is my goal.- soccer jokes

100. When you pay with soccer balls, it is called soc-cerrency.

When you pay with soccer balls, it is called soc-cerrency.

101. The soccer player was free kick–ing out about taking a penalty shot.

The soccer player was free kick–ing out about taking a penalty shot.

102. Soccer players are tricky because they know how to set traps.

Soccer players are tricky because they know how to set traps.

103. The best dog breed for soccer is the goal-den retriever.

The best dog breed for soccer is the goal-den retriever.

104. Referees are just soccer players who have gone blind.

Referees are just soccer players who have gone blind.

105. Heard someone say they had to play soccer with second graders. They should really invest in a ball.

Heard someone say they had to play soccer with second graders. They should really invest in a ball.

What are your favorite jokes? Come share in our We Are Teachers HELPLINE group on Facebook!

Plus, check out 97 Teacher Jokes That Make Us Laugh Out Loud.



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